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<title>i want what i love but i have what i hate by notjodieyet</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004138">i want what i love but i have what i hate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/pseuds/notjodieyet'>notjodieyet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not-Jodie's Academy Era Canon [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Academy Era, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Thansell, a bit of yearning, i am SO BAD at tagging things, yes we're doing this again</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjodieyet/pseuds/notjodieyet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>morning after theta &amp; vansell's night together.</p>
<p>also, somebody returns to the academy earlier than he's supposed to.</p>
<p>(lily's current academy canon doesn't match up with other academy canon, see: vanilla boy ruins everything, more at six)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Doctor | Theta Sigma &amp; The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Doctor | Theta Sigma (Doctor Who: Academy Era)/Vansell, The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not-Jodie's Academy Era Canon [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i want what i love but i have what i hate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Theta woke up to a warm body and gentle breathing.</p>
<p>	His first thought was <i>Koschei</i>. (His first thought in the morning was usually Koschei). But Theta would remember sleeping with Koschei (he hoped) and his mind was blurry and fuzzy and confused.</p>
<p>	“Morning,” said Vansell.</p>
<p>	<i>Ah. Yes</i>. Theta felt physically repulsed. He’d nearly erased his memories of spending the night with Vansell, but the pale boy lying in front of him forced the thought back into his head. “Morning,” he said. </p>
<p>	Vansell was surprisingly and horrifyingly pretty in the gentle orange morning light. (Koschei hated having the curtains open all night, but Koschei wasn’t here, which meant Theta got open curtains and… Vansell.) He had freckles, Theta noticed, tiny and almost invisible, sprinkled across his collarbones and nose. Theta skimmed his fingertips over the ones on his chest, wondering at the fact that he could be so lonely to enjoy Vansell’s company so much. </p>
<p>	“I slept well,” said Theta. He was usually taller than Vansell (he was, compared to most of the Deca, <i>tall</i>), but lying together in bed like this their noses and lips and eyes were at the same level. Vansell grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers cautiously between them. Vansell’s hands were so <i>small</i>, and yet they didn’t have that delicate and precise quality that Koschei’s did. </p>
<p>	(“Your hands are like a piano player,” Theta had said, what felt like a thousand years ago.</p>
<p>“Pianist?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Koschei had glanced down at his own fingers and then back at Theta. “Or a lockpick,” he said, grinning.) </p>
<p>“I slept all right,” said Vansell. “Did you hear that sound in the middle of the night?” </p>
<p>Theta pressed his lips to Vansell’s knuckles and said, “No. What kind of sound?”</p>
<p>“Spaceship? I don’t know.”</p>
<p>	It was probably nothing. Theta cupped the back of Vansell’s head and kissed him, addicted to the heady rush and slight disgust of his lips. “You may have dreamed it.”</p>
<p>	“I may have.”</p>
<p>	Theta brushed a dark strand of hair from Vansell’s eyes, trying not to think about how Koschei’s hair was a similar shade of brown. “Classes today.”</p>
<p>	“We can skip.”</p>
<p>	“Oh, <i>Vanse</i>!” Theta fluttered his eyelashes in mock arousal. “Aren’t you naughty.”</p>
<p>	“We could, though.”</p>
<p>	Theta sighed, heavily. “Nah. I’ll be murdered by three different teachers if I miss one more day. And Kos made me promise to keep my grades up.”</p>
<p>	“Of course.”</p>
<p>	“Of course what?”</p>
<p>	“It always comes back to him, doesn’t it?”</p>
<p>	Theta did not feel like having yet another conversation about his love life. “Whatever. Maybe.” He rolled off the side of the bed and just managed to land his feet flat on the floor. </p>
<p>	“I’m not jealous.”</p>
<p>	“Better fucking not be.” Theta found his discarded undershirt under the scarlet pile of dress robes scattered across the ground. He was nearly going to slip the dress robes on, too, to not go to the bother of putting on his everyday uniform; but that wasn’t really funny by himself, and the dress robes itched. </p>
<p>	Vansell watched him from the bed. “So, do you miss him?”</p>
<p>	“I thought I made it pretty clear we weren’t talking about that again.” Theta stormed over to the dresser and pulled out a freshly laundered overcoat. “Fuck. Where’s my vest? Where’s my vest.”</p>
<p>	“Closet?”</p>
<p>	“The closet is Koschei’s. And the top drawer of the dresser. I have no idea how many clothes he has.” Theta lifted a thick textbook that was definitely not his and a bag of toffees that was, and found one of his uniform vests. “Ah. Toffee?”</p>
<p>	“No thanks.” </p>
<p>	“You’re changing the sheets.”</p>
<p>	Vansell frowned. “Because of the toffee, or…”</p>
<p>	“No, because I said you were and this is my bedroom.” Theta wormed himself into the vest, then the coat. “Oh, and also?”</p>
<p>	“Yes?”</p>
<p>	“Because I said so.” Theta found some trousers and wiggled into them. He was finding himself to be the responsible one between the two, and he greatly disliked himself in that position. </p>
<p>	Vansell groaned, loudly. </p>
<p>	“Get out of bed. And change the sheets.” His boots were under the bed, and Vansell pulled him in for a deep kiss on the way. “And stop distracting me.”</p>
<p>	“You’re snippy, darling.”</p>
<p>	“One more pet name and I murder you,” said Theta brightly. He didn’t trust Vansell to stay in his room, but he also didn’t want to sit there while Vansell put clothes on. Rock and a hard place, really.</p>
<p>	“Challenge accepted, my dearest Theta.” </p>
<p>	Theta sat down on Koschei’s bed, across the room, and tried not to think of the other things he wanted to do to other people who were in other places at the moment. “Do you need to go back to your room for clothes?”</p>
<p>	“I think I’m your boyfriend’s size.”</p>
<p>	“He’s shorter, he’s not my boyfriend, and you’re not stealing his clothes.”</p>
<p>	“Why not?”</p>
<p>	Theta glared at Vampire Boy. “Because I’m pretty sure he’ll notice the lingering scent of dust and assholery.”</p>
<p>	“Really? Because I’d be sure he’s used to the latter from you, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>	Theta had no witty response to that, so he just threw his dress robes at Vansell and stormed to the door. “You have five minutes to get clothes on, or I share some things about you I’m pretty sure you don’t want the entire Academy knowing.”</p>
<p>	Vansell grumbled, but followed orders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>	They agreed upon splitting up after the hallway, because neither wanted the school to know about their brief dalliance, and Vansell bid Theta goodbye with a simple wave of his hand and a smirk. Theta only wished he could smirk like Vansell smirked, really.</p>
<p>	(He did not, however, wish to spend any more time with him. Theta thought he might need a three-hour bath after the occurences of last night. A three hour bath and a long lecture from Koschei about cosmic science would cleanse him quite nicely). </p>
<p>	Theta hadn’t been watching where he was going, having fallen into a wonderful daydream of Koschei’s careful explanations of various formulas, possibly peppered with gentle kisses and sweet nothings. Oh, maybe Theta would gently brush Koschei’s dark hair out of his eyes and press his lips to Koschei’s nose… </p>
<p>	And Theta walked directly into a student walking hurriedly down the hall. “You look pink,” said Koschei, of the pretty eyes and hair and nose, in the flesh.</p>
<p>	“Kos! Hi!” Theta stumbled backwards as to not stay directly pressed up against his roommate and tried to find his footing. “You’re still at the internship. What’s wrong? Did they kick you out? Did you explode something? Ooh, Koschei, did you blow something up?”</p>
<p>	“No, I didn’t blow anything up. I’m here to do laundry, and… you’re still pink.”	</p>
<p>	“I’m not.” Theta felt himself pink more as he thought about cosmic science and lazy kisses. “Definitely not.”	</p>
<p>	Koschei raised an eyebrow. “You have a very expressive face.”</p>
<p>	“Whatever. Walk with me.”</p>
<p>	Koschei looped his arm through Theta’s, sending dizzy flurries through his hearts. “What’ve you been up to since I’ve been gone? Causing lots of trouble? Giving Borusa the good old runaround? And Vansell…”</p>
<p>	“Vansell, yes,” said Theta, and, if possible, was even more so an entire blushing pink mess than previously. </p>
<p>	“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>	Theta stopped at their shared room and pushed open the door. “Nothing. Come on in.” Thank the Holy Founding Creators of Gallifrey he’d forced Vansell to change his sheets before Koschei’s surprise appearance. </p>
<p>	“You didn’t mess up my bed.”</p>
<p>	“Why would I?”</p>
<p>	Koschei shrugged. “I just thought — I don’t know.” He cut himself off, and Theta squinted at him. “Doesn’t matter.” Koschei took the clothes from the duffel bag slung across his shoulder (how had Theta not noticed the bag?) and replaced them with fresh, clean clothes. “I’ll, uh, do my laundry and then be out.”</p>
<p>	“Okay.”</p>
<p>	“Aren’t you in class?”</p>
<p>“It’s Advanced Thermodynamics. I’m pretty sure I can catch up.” Theta sat on Koschei’s bed, behind him, wanting so many things and not having any of them. He thought about the trappings of this place, in his typical dramatic fashion, and said, “Anybody exciting at your internship?”</p>
<p>	“Nobody’s quite like you, Theta.”</p>
<p>	Theta shifted on the bed. “Just asking.”</p>
<p>	Koschei turned back and looked at him with that terrifyingly piercing stare. Kos was strange, in that way; he seemed so unassuming, a frail scrap of a thing on his own, but he had this unsettling intensity about him that was easily passed over. “I mean, <i>there’s nobody like you, Theta.</i>”<br/>	“Thanks?” He wasn’t sure if it was a compliment. </p>
<p>	Koschei glared at him. “You’re really dense, Thete.”</p>
<p>	“What’s up with you?” </p>
<p>	“Nothing’s up with me.” Koschei stood to his full five feet, five inches and picked up his bag. “Go to class.” </p>
<p>	Theta was left with a strange emptiness in his guts, and he went to class.</p>
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